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Theater: Hands On A Hardbody? No Salefor This New Musical
HANDS  ON  A  HARDBODY * out of ****
BROOKS  ATKINSON  THEATRE
This new musical is such an odd duck on paper that you couldn't help thinking maybe
something good would come out of it. In an era when many musicals are based on world-
famous comic books are best-selling children's stories and fairy tales, Hands  On  AHardbody is based on a documentary most people have never heard about.
The subject matter? A contest in a small Texas town where a group of people keep their
hands on a brand new truck for days on end with a 15 minute break every six hours. The
last one to still be touching it wins the truck. You can see how the challenges inherent tothis might appeal. A musical where everyone is essentially rooted to one spot, with at leastone hand touching the truck at all times? Serjio Trujillo is credited with musical stagingand he has some modestly inventive fun moving the actors around and around thatgleaming red truck.
Since the characters are stuck on the lot of a car dealership, you might imagine the show
will be a character study a la Assassins , where each person steps forward and tells their
story. That's what we have here in a book by Doug Wright ( I  Am  My  Own  Wife ) and lyrics
by Amanda Green ( Bring  It  On ) and music by Green and Trey Anastasio of Phish.
Unfortunately, every character is a type we know immediately and no song, no plot twistchanges or deepens our initial impression. You've got a returning war vet who wants toprove to his family he can still accomplish something, two kids who fall in love during thecontest and dream of heading to LA, a religious woman who has prayer chains galorerooting for her to win and a deep conviction that God wants her to have that truck, ayoung man who wants to sell the truck so he can go to veterinary school, a blonde ringerwho is fooling around with the head of the dealership, a stubborn old coot of a womanand Keith Carradine as an aging man recovering from surgery who just wants to feeluseful again, to name a few.
Nothing any of these people say or do during the five days of the contest will surprise youMay 7, 2014
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Posted: 03/28/2013 2:04 pm
in the least. The lead trouble maker is Benny (Hunter Foster) who already won a truck in
the contest before and a guy who's watched too many episodes of Survivor . Benny thinks
the only way to win is to taunt and prey on the weaknesses of others. Turns out his sondied fighting overseas and Benny's wife left him for another man (taking that truck withher) so you can bet we'll feel a little sorry for him before it's over.
It's hard to feel a rooting interest in who wins. The church lady really needs the truck to
drive her kids to school and such. Ronald (Jacob Ming-Trent) wants to use it to start hisown lawn service. Jesus Pena (Jon Rua) is the guy who wants to go to college. But ofcourse how can we not root for the affable Keith Carradine? Yet he doesn't seem to needthe truck at all. The show misses whatever little emotional heft it might have by notreaching for a grander gesture at the end when it comes to winners and losers.
Of course the really grand gesture is the religious undercurrent where souls need to be
saved and people need to repent for their hateful prejudice. That's made explicit in "God
Answered My Prayers" (though it's an old religious joke -- God said "No.") But theredemption of Benny isn't terribly interesting since we don't see the church lady or anyoneelse saying or doing anything that might conceivably cause the wonder-workingtransformation of this bitter, sad man. It just...happens. Still, the songs that go for areligious bent are the modest high points of the show, especially "Joy Of The Lord," inwhich the contestants create the rhythm of a revival meeting by pounding their hands onthe side of the truck and even beep the horn at the climax. Combine that with cleverchoreography and you have a small glimpse of a far more interesting show.
Musically, I'm not sure if it sounds like country and gospel played by Broadway musicians
or Broadway music played by country and gospel musicians. But however they got there,the arrangements are inauthentic and anonymous throughout. Mind you, the songs aren'thelped by a weak-voiced cast. Keith Carradine has charm to spare but his vocals aremodest. That's fine except that he's surrounded by people who also need to talk-sing and
act their way through a song rather than belt it out, with the exception of Keala Settle as
the one-note but strong-voiced church lady Norma.
Combine this anonymous heartland vibe with a drab set dominated by a faded brown
billboard and you've got a show that isn't nearly Broadway enough for theater fans,country enough for music fans or quirky enough for fans of the movie. Here the risk-taking started and ended with the choice of project. No creative choices after that onewere nearly bold enough.
THE  THEATER  SEASON  2012-2013 (on a four star scale)
As  You  Like  it (Shakespeare in the Park withLily Rabe) ****
Chimichangas  And  Zoloft *
Closer  Than  Ever ***
Cock ** 1/2
Harvey with Jim Parsons *
My  Children!  My  Africa! ***
Once  On  This  Island ***
Potted  Potter *
Storefront  Church ** 1/2
Title  And  Deed ***
Picture  Incomplete (NYMF) **
Flambe  Dreams (NYMF) **
Rio (NYMF) **
The  Two  Month  Rule (NYMF) *
Trouble (NYMF) ** 1/2
Stealing  Time (NYMF) **
Requiem  For  A  Lost  Girl (NYMF) ** 1/2
Re-Animator  The  Musical (NYMF) ***
Baby  Case (NYMF) ** 1/2
How  Deep  Is  The  Ocean (NYMF) ** 1/2
Central  Avenue  Breakdown (NYMF) ***
Foreverman (NYMF) * 1/2
Swing  State (NYMF) * 1/2
Stand  Tall:  A  Rock  Musical (NYMF) * 1/2
Living  With  Henry (NYMF) *
A  Letter  To  Harvey  Milk (NYMF) ** 1/2
The  Last  Smoker  In  America **
Gore  Vidal's  The  Best  Man (w new cast) ***
Into  The  Woods  at  Delacorte ** 1/2
Bring  It  On:  The  Musical **
Bullet  For  Adolf *
Summer  Shorts  Series  B:  Paul  Rudnick,  Neil  LaBute,  etc. **
Harrison,  TX ***
Dark  Hollow:  An  Appalachian  "Woyzeck" (FringeNYC) * 1/2
Pink  Milk (FringeNYC)* 1/2
Who  Murdered  Love (FringeNYC) no stars
Storytime  With  Mr.  Buttermen (FringeNYC) **
#MormonInChief (FringeNYC) **
An  Interrogation  Primer (FringeNYC) ***
An  Evening  With  Kirk  Douglas (FringeNYC) *
Sheherizade (FringeNYC) **
The  Great  Pie  Robbery (FringeNYC) ** 1/2
Independents (FringeNYC) *** 1/2
The  Dick  and  The  Rose (FringeNYC) **
Magdalen (FringeNYC) ***
Bombsheltered (FringeNYC) ** 1/2
Paper  Plane (FringeNYC) ** 1/2
Rated  M  For  Murder (FringeNYC) ** 1/2
Mallory/Valerie (FringeNYC) *
Non-Equity:  The  Musical! (FringeNYC) *
Blanche:  The  Bittersweet  Life  Of  A  Prairie  Dame (FringeNYC) *** 1/2
City  Of  Shadows (FringeNYC) ***
Forbidden  Broadway:  Alive  &  Kicking ***
Salamander  Starts  Over (FringeNYC) ***
Pieces (FringeNYC) *
The  Train  Driver ***
Chaplin  The  Musical * 1/2
Detroit ** 1/2
Heartless at Signature **
Einstein  On  The  Beach at BAM ****
Red-Handed  Otter ** 1/2
Marry  Me  A  Little **
An  Enemy  Of  The  People ** 1/2
The  Old  Man  And  The  Old  Moon *** 1/2
A  Chorus  Line  at  Papermill ***
Helen  &  Edgar ***
Grace * 1/2
Cyrano  de  Bergerac **
Who's  Afraid  Of  Virginia  Woolf? ***
Disgraced **
Annie ** 1/2
The  Heiress **
Checkers ** 1/2
Ivanov ***
Golden  Child at Signature ** 1/2
Giant at the Public *** 1/2
Scandalous * 1/2
Forever  Dusty **
The  Performers **
The  Piano  Lesson at Signature *** 1/2
Un  Ballo  In  Maschera at the Met *** 1/2 (singing) * (production) so call it ** 1/2
A  Christmas  Story:  The  Musical **
The  Sound  Of  Music at Papermill ***
My  Name  Is  Asher  Lev *** 1/2
Golden  Boy **
A  Civil  War  Christmas ** 1/2
Dead  Accounts **
The  Anarchist *
Glengarry  Glen  Ross **
Bare **
The  Mystery  Of  Edwin  Drood ** 1/2
The  Great  God  Pan ** 1/2
The  Other  Place ** 1/2
Picnic * 1/2
Opus  No.  7 ** 1/2
Deceit * 1/2
Life  And  Times  Episodes  1-4 **
Cat  On  A  Hot  Tin  Roof (w Scarlett Johansson) * 1/2
The  Jamme r ***
Blood  Play ** 1/2
Manilow  On  Broadway ** 1/2
Women  Of  Will ** 1/2
All  In  The  Timing ***
Isaac's  Eye ***
Bunnicula:  A  Rabbit  Tale  Of  Musical  Mystery ** 1/2
The  Mnemonist  Of  Dutchess  County * 1/2
Much  Ado  About  Nothing ***
Really  Really *
Parsifal  at  the  Met *** 1/2
The  Madrid * 1/2
The  Wild  Bride  at  St.  Ann's ** 1/2
Passion  at  CSC *** 1/2
Carousel at Lincoln Center ***
The  Revisionist **
Rodgers  &  Hammerstein's  Cinderella ***
Rock  Of  Ages * 1/2
Ann ** 1/2
Old  Hats ***
The  Flick ***
Detroit  '67 ** 1/2
Howling  Hilda reading * (Mary Testa ***)
Hit  The  Wall *
Breakfast  At  Tiffany's * 1/2
The  Mound  Builders at Signature *
Vanya  And  Sonia  And  Masha  And  Spike *** 1/2
Cirque  Du  Soleil's  Totem ***
The  Lying  Lesson * 1/2
Hands  On  A  Hardbody *
Thanks  for  reading.  Michael  Giltz  is  the  cohost  of  Showbiz  Sandbox ,  a  weekly  pop
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